Day 3: Through your grief process who has been your "rock"?

Grieving a baby is incredibly isolating.

As a general statement its no-one's fault, its just such an incredible tragedy and such a shocking absence that everyone is impacted by the ripples. Everyone needs to re-adjust their world-view. Come to the understanding that the world isn't fair; there is no "deserving" or justice, it just IS. And while everyone adjusts to that, they are watching our world fall apart and powerless to do anything to fix it. And there is actually nothing anyone can really "do" to ease the burden of our baby's absence. Meals are good, cards, gifts and acts of remembrance all penetrate the cloud of grief and warm the heart. Sitting by our side holding our hand means a lot.

But nothing makes it better.

And some people find it hard to accept that, hard to work with the fact that it is exhausting and draining and everything they do makes no visible difference to how we are feeling. Its disheartening and I get that.
But the thing is,  the accumulation of all these acts do make a difference. Collectively; the therapy, the phone calls, messages, posts, cards, flowers, gifts, hugs, coffees and trips out make a difference, knowing that Melinda will live on in the hearts of our friends and our friend's friends makes the world of difference.

Our support network has been one of the best I have come across. I am a member of an online group of beautiful and powerfully loving ladies, fellow angel mums who came alongside me in my grief and continue to reach out and support me everyday, remembering Melinda with me and just understanding what this journey means. In real life our everyday support here at ground zero has been phenomenal. Headed up by a beautiful best friend who has sacrificed so very much to be there for us, for me, everyday lending me the physical and emotional support I need, and that sacrifice does not go un-noticed or un-appreciated. But ultimately I believe that no one person can be or should be a Rock. It is too much to ask of someone. Especially someone who is also grieving the loss of a friend and the lighthearted days of the past, and grieving the loss of a baby they were looking forward to seeing grow and spoiling and loving (and handing back to mum when she had a pooey nappy).

My husband has been my amazing leaning post, he has been inspiring in his strength and love for us. With open arms we cry together, we shake our heads in disbelief that this has happened. To us. We look forward to the future together. We work together to make our three children proud, and we are a united team. We are stronger for living through this together. I know that we can get through anything if we only have each other.

But even he isn't my rock.

No. My Rock? My Solid Foundation. Is someone who can shoulder the load of my grief, my anger, my pain and my sadness. Someone who loves me, no matter how unlovable I can be at times. Someone who mourns with me but carries me in his arms all the same. Some whose plan for me is confusing at times (especially now) but who promises me Joy and healing and amazing miracles. Someone who has given me the strength to get through each day. to stand proud, to forgive, to understand, to be compassionate. To support others on this journey with me. Someone who gave me the amazing gift of my beautiful rainbow daughter Melinda, a light in this dark time. A loving heavenly Father who offers me the use of His strength though mine has failed. I truly believe that Hope is one of the most powerful emotions we can experience, but that's what my Faith in God gives me. Hope. Hope keeps me alive.